Sunday, February 14, 2010
11-25-07
It's 2:45 in the morning and I might be a bit tipsy, so if this seems like some random rant, it probably is.I have all these idea's in my head but no motivation to put them on paper. all these Video ideas but no motivation to put them on YouTube. A filthy apartment, but no motivation to clean.I've had two days in a row with nothing to do till TnT Shows (Friday @ 7, Saturday @ 5) and I slept the days away...well not completely, I did go to the gym both days, but I didn't really do anything productive.I've been a bit down because I didn't get into Conservatory AGAIN, and I didn't make it into a show I know I should've been a part of (A Sunday morning show making fun of religion). And I didn't get an audition for cruise line host. I know a few people that at least got called in for auditions, but not I.
I've come to accept rejection as a part of my life. like I've said in previous blogs, my biggset fear is for someone to say yes...be it a date, or a shot at my dream job. But then you actually do get that yes and you work at making it last, and you get that confidence to ask again then try again, thinking you have what it takes and them somebody who's only seen you for 10 minutes rejects you - even though in your heart, you know it was meant to be. and then you get depressed becuase you know deep down you never should have gotten a big head. you should have been ready to accept rejection.
If I truely want this acting thing to last, I know I'm gonna be rejected 95% of the time. and I've accepted that. I'm being paid to act, so I really have nothing to complain about. Tony and Tina's has accepted me in to their 14 year old family, but there's more in me than this job and I don't know how to get it out...or maybe I'm content with my position and don't wanna risk it by trying to do more. Or mayby I'm thinking too much about it.
Anyway, speaking of fear of acceptance, I finally asked someone out for the first time since my divorce...almost three years ago...and she did say yes. we've been on 3 dates and things are going well. She's been out of town for a week to spend Thanxgivin with the family and I missed her. That leads me to beleive that I want her to be part of my life.
People - or I should just say Family at Thanksgiving -are asking me if we're boyfriend- girlfriend, or to define the relationship - a conversation we haven't even really done. I was mentally damaged for a long time from Theresa and I think the fact that I've finally allowed myself to start dating is a huge step and I wish my family would get off my back. and I don't know where I'm going with this.
I'm starting to doze off as it has now reached 3am and I have to be up early for the Bears-Broncos game. I'm probably gonna read this in the morning and say WTF, but it's here for now.
g'night
I've come to accept rejection as a part of my life. like I've said in previous blogs, my biggset fear is for someone to say yes...be it a date, or a shot at my dream job. But then you actually do get that yes and you work at making it last, and you get that confidence to ask again then try again, thinking you have what it takes and them somebody who's only seen you for 10 minutes rejects you - even though in your heart, you know it was meant to be. and then you get depressed becuase you know deep down you never should have gotten a big head. you should have been ready to accept rejection.
If I truely want this acting thing to last, I know I'm gonna be rejected 95% of the time. and I've accepted that. I'm being paid to act, so I really have nothing to complain about. Tony and Tina's has accepted me in to their 14 year old family, but there's more in me than this job and I don't know how to get it out...or maybe I'm content with my position and don't wanna risk it by trying to do more. Or mayby I'm thinking too much about it.
Anyway, speaking of fear of acceptance, I finally asked someone out for the first time since my divorce...almost three years ago...and she did say yes. we've been on 3 dates and things are going well. She's been out of town for a week to spend Thanxgivin with the family and I missed her. That leads me to beleive that I want her to be part of my life.
People - or I should just say Family at Thanksgiving -are asking me if we're boyfriend- girlfriend, or to define the relationship - a conversation we haven't even really done. I was mentally damaged for a long time from Theresa and I think the fact that I've finally allowed myself to start dating is a huge step and I wish my family would get off my back. and I don't know where I'm going with this.
I'm starting to doze off as it has now reached 3am and I have to be up early for the Bears-Broncos game. I'm probably gonna read this in the morning and say WTF, but it's here for now.
g'night
# posted by Vince L. @ 4:50 PM 
